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Bethany’s Calendar

October 20, 2014 by emcoop 4 Comments

Our lives changed forever eleven years ago today when my daughter’s “calendar” on earth ended. But her life in heaven had just began.

She was only 24 and my family never imagined that our bright, funny and faith-filled daughter would have such a short stay with us. But sometimes cancer interferes with our hopes and dreams. And sometimes, God has other plans.

My family has  been through so much in the ensuing years, yet we continue to be amazed at the life she shared with us, as well as the impact she had on so many others. We will always treasure her in our hearts, and look forward to seeing her again in eternity.

The most amazing thing about this eleventh year has been writing Bethany’s Calendar, the story of her final days on earth as she suffered from brain cancer. The fact that I had the strength to write it at all attests to the power of intercessory prayer as others raised me up in this difficult writing task. Although it was emotionally exhausting, the words and the story flowed.

Now Bethany’s Calendar is on the verge of being released in a few weeks. I am amazed at the smooth transition from writing first draft to now anticipating holding the final copy of the book. I can’t wait to share it with others and PRAY that it helps patients and their families who are in similar circumstances.

Bethanys Calendar Cover

I’ll be honest. Going through final edits this past weekend brought more than one tear. There is no loss like saying goodbye to your child.

Yet I am not bitter, nor do I repeat the often spoken phrase, “No parent should have to bury their child.” While that may be the human perspective, God’s perspective about life is that He is God, and He decides when our work on this earth is complete. Sometimes that is as soon as a child is birthed or it may be in old age. But “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” Job 1:21 NIV

Here are some of the words from “God is God” by Steven Curtis Chapman. This song played on my car radio—seemingly every time I went driving during Bethany’s illness. The verses are a reminder to me that God is the creator, with his purposes for His creation:

 

God is God and I am not

I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting

God is God and I am man

So I’ll never understand it all

For only God is God.

 

Launch for Bethany’s Calendar is December 12, 2014. It would have been her 36th birthday.

 

 

 

 

Cancer Support – Is it Breast-Obsessed?

October 11, 2014 by emcoop 8 Comments

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. I did my part by getting a colonoscopy.

Whaaat? That’s for colon cancer, right?

Right. And that is my point. There are other types of cancers that are more deadly than breast cancer. Yet the American Cancer Society (ACS) deems breast cancer as the body part most worthy of an entire month. In fact, it is the only type of cancer that gets 31 days for promotion and fundraising, specifically sponsored by the ACS. See their link here.

I became acutely aware of this apparent bias a couple of years ago when shuttling a friend to her radiation treatment appointment. Although my friend’s lung cancer appeared to be in remission, a tumor had been discovered in her brain. She was unable to drive herself to the appointment so I took her in my car and assisted her into the waiting area.

I had been through this scenario before with family, so I was prepared for the usual routine of waiting in semi-comfortable chairs. What I wasn’t prepared for was the décor: Numerous displays of headless mannequins wearing brightly decorated bras that were used as fundraising items to support the fight against breast cancer. On one table I noticed a painted, plaster-of-Paris type piece of art: Another colorful bra that, I suppose was meant to encourage those with breast cancer.

October—The month of Pink
October—The month of Pink

But my friend wasn’t there for breast cancer.

I kept my emotions in check as I approached the woman at the check-in counter. My friend with the brain tumor had already been led away to the radiation chamber and I used this opportunity to ask a few questions of the receptionist. Mainly, I wanted to know if ALL kinds of cancer were treated at this large cancer center.

“Oh, yes,” she said in a friendly yet professional manner. I then asked about the “bra” décor that covered every nook and cranny. Yes, these were for the breast cancer fundraiser. She looked quite pleased.

“But,” I calmly but earnestly asked her, “does this not make it seem like the ONLY cancer you treat here is breast cancer? Would this perhaps make others—victims of prostate, colon, brain cancer—feel like theirs was not as important?”

Pointing to a small plastic holder with 8 x 11 size papers in it, she assured me that there were groups that met to support each kind of cancer group. She seemed satisfied…but I was not.

“But my friend is here for brain cancer.” She basically brushed off my concerns.

And no wonder. Because in the last ten years, aside from an annual card in the mail to say the American Cancer Society was doing a fundraiser, the only obvious efforts to raise money to fight malignancies that I have seen are for cancer of the breast.

Most of us can name at least one (probably more) organizations that specifically gears its efforts to raise money for and, awareness of, breast cancer.  There are Facebook groups, community businesses efforts, and athletic events all geared towards fighting this particular form of malignancy.

As a woman, I am grateful that so many are concerned about that particular part of my anatomy. As a daughter who has lost her father to colon cancer, as a niece who has lost a beloved uncle to lung cancer, and—most painful of all—as a mother who has lost a daughter to brain cancer, I am frankly sick of this focus on the mammary glands.

This nation is breast-obsessed.

Let me share a few statistics, courtesy of the National Cancer Institute. They have estimates for the numbers of cases of each type of cancer expected to have occurred in 2014, along with the numbers of deaths that are expected. I have also listed the survival rate after 5 years:

                                 Diagnosed cases         Deaths expected          5-Year Survival

Breast                         232,670                      40,000                           89.2%

Colon and Rectal            136,830                    50,310                  64.7%

Lungs and Bronchi        224,210                 159,260                  16.8%

 

If you noticed the alarmingly high numbers of cases and subsequent deaths from lung cancer, don’t assume it’s because all the victims smoked. Although most cases of this disease are due to smoking, it is often second-hand smoke that leads to lung cancer. Asbestos as well. There is a test for finding early stage lung cancer, called a low-dose spiral CT scan. I’m sure it’s expensive. But then again, so are mammograms.

Colon cancer has more fatalities percentage wise compared to breast cancer yet it is one of the most preventable cancers when colonoscopies are utilized. These are quite expensive. So are mammograms.

Do I think that funds raised for research and support for breast cancer are a bad thing? Heavens, no. My mom had breast cancer (and survived it) and I’ve had friends with the same. I am grateful for the screenings and the drugs.

But in this month of October—the same month during which I saw my daughter die of brain cancer eleven years ago, and my father die of colon cancer 25 years ago—I say, let’s support ALL cancer research.

Cancer is an equal-opportunity attacker. It doesn’t care where in the body the alien cells begin to grow and take over—so why should we?

I guess some cancers are just not sexy enough to promote. But in truth, there is NOTHING sexy about cancer.

 

 

 

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